Words I couldn't say

I'm getting better each day (I hope) I haven't declared which uni I will attend . what major I will take as well . I'm in a huge dilemma . What foremost is the major at the initial stage then the place. I should choose one of these majors :

law well, law had never crossed my mind before but it's the only subject I want to take if I stay in town . Many people are surprised when I say I'm taking law. It's actually not 'many' but 'all' . yes, all of them . It doesn't suit me even a zero comma zero zero zero zero zero nine percent . It's totally not 'me' . and that, I couldn't agree more . I'm out of my mind by making that decision but yea, if I pass the test, I'll take it as a challenge.

design nah, this major, 9 out of 10 people tell me this is the best major for me . I thought it either back then, however, in this condition where my interest is in minus point . I don't think I can do well in this subject . Why should I waste much money if I don't have determination? It will be a waste .

hospitality it's a 'okay' major . but unfortunately after a few days I decided to apply, I was informed I'm underage and it's quite impossible if they want to accept me . duh! /:

ahaaaa my hair is short now. i asked him to cut 5cm and he cut like 15-20 cm ha ha ._. He left me speechless, but whatever I like it though (: I'm home alone again and stay at home again today . I don' feel bored idk why . I tend to isolate myself from the world *wink

What Sheila wants, Sheila fights for

Hai the only place I can talk to. well, i don't know what to type, what i'm going to pour out. i don't want to complain much yet this is the only room i have..maybe. i'm grounded, by myself of course. I don't wanna let my feelings ruin my actions . anyhow, i will stay as cheerful as i can be and it will be as easy as abc :) i miss my friendssss esp fiden , um i don't know what to say anymore. won't tell publicly how i feel anymore i promiseee btw the picture above is from tumblr. i'm craving for shaun the sheep and stitch doll. mom has gotten stitch, does anyone know where to purchase shaun? email me! thank you. Have a blessed sunday! Take care :) xoxo,sheila.

"never never give up" - mom

i'm tough, but have I ever done sth wrong to you? why can you do that to me?

I'm tired of being tough..
I'm tired of pretending to be happy..
I'm tired of making excuses..
I'm tired of staying away from the pain..
I'm tired of sleeping only two to three hours in a day..
I'm tired of vomiting the food I have eaten..
I'm tired of being a walking corpse..
I'm tired of faking smiles..
I'm tired of saying 'hahaha' whilst deep inside I always 'sigh'..
I'm tired of taking commands..
I'm tired of valuing each person more than they do..
I'm tired of loving people more than myself..
I'm tired of not allowing myself to be able to just think of myself..
I'm tired of having negative thoughts running through my mind..
I'm tired of avoiding rude words..
I'm tired of keeping quiet..
I'm tired of thinking problems by myself and can't pour it to anyone..
I'm tired of being selfish..
I'm tired of bearing illness..

The feeling when I have to hide everything , hide my feelings and the ones you can talk to aren't really listen to you

I'm so tired..
i wish there's one who listens to my stories without judging , but some words are better left unspoken so that they won't hurt anyone. Therefore , I won't annoy others with my problems yet sometimes I can't fight them all by myself. What to do? Keep quiet.

knock knock

Yelloooow (: It has been such a long time since my last post , yeah I'm a bad blogger . I don't know how to start . I'll just type whatever things in my mind in bullets (:

• I went to a holiday trip with friends last two weeks if I'm not mistaken . Even though there was a chaos.. I had a memorable one! more pictures on facebook :D
  
  
  

• uh-oh I have just come back from jakarta yesterday . I have only been there once when I was a kid so I've no memories of that hot city at all . Pretty lame huh. My great grandma passed away last sunday /: only met her once sighh
  
  
• I've been very depressed lately . I couldn't sleep well and ajkhdaksdh I don't know how to describe /:
  
  
• I should plan activities . tuitions I mean . I'm a lazy pig nowadays and it's not good!
  

• BYE! I'm so stressed out pfftt asdakshdaklsjd :(
  

missing d & f !

It's been ages since my last post! OMG I WANT MY LIFE BACK . All I can say is that I'm bored and I neeeeed to haveeee fun . I don't think I recognize the word of 'play' . Even though I couldn't do well in my papers and I'm pretty sure I'll score a very looooooow grade , I believe there's a glimmer of hope - miracle . Denissa is in town and so is Fiona . I want to meet them superdupermega badly . D is gg out of town the day when my test ends . I hope we can meet after her return . Unfortunately , the day after I go overseas is the day she will come back . gloomy. I have so many stories to share . This is what I dislike when all of us live in different countries . We hardly can meet . Honestly speaking, I don't feel like going . I want to spend my new year eve with theeeeeem and it will be soooo fun to welcome 2011 togetherrrr u.u Moreover, I'm scared that I'll be shaking all the time due to the weather there.


As 2010 draw to a close, I pray for all of you to stay healthy and happy (: much love and christmas is in the corner! yay ! :D

Random thoughts , skip it! (:

I am siiiiiickk for the zillion times and like seriousssslyyy I'm tired of lying on the bed for the whole day . Porridge becomes the only food I can possibly eat . I puked out instant noodle at school last week and vomited instant noodle yst at home -________-" I have no appetite for the whole one week . This post will full of words . No pictures , boring? close the tab ! :D

The result has come out . Dang~ I'm quite satisfied . Kwa-it , which means I'm not fully satisfied . Even though I can enter the uni in oz without foundation . Still, I don't find it's good enough. I aimed for a higher score!! /: Mom and sis said I should be satisfied -.- And the hardwork is eventually paid off! Tee-hee . No more ielts test . A burden has lifted from my shoulder :b HOWEVER , tragically (sounds dramatic , *nod* I know) dad asked me to chip in 'those' tests ! which are unbelievably difficult (accord. to me) A burden has lifted, 3 burdens are added. Funny? Ha-ha -_- srsly dad! ): lemme focus on a thing . ugghh , kay I accept it . As long as you are happy and I will do my best (: muah papaa :*

It's obvious . Your cruel attitude cut me to the quick . But well.. I accept it as the painful feeling has become an eye-opener for me, and the future me(:

Her sudden death jolted us all . May She rest in peace . I heard that you were a good person . From the bottom of my heart, I pray for you to reach the heaven as soon as possibleeeee :]

Received a news that a beloved one was sick and would be hospitalized after reaching home from school squeezed my heart . Very shock indeed . Even though I don't 'rly' have a good chemistry with Her . Still , I do care . Stepped on the second floor at the hospital recalled me to Him . I miss Him /: I had a terrible mess on my mind on that day . SHE has never been so weak , so powerless . I hope there won't be the second time /x

To recapitulate , I have come into terms with this difficult situation . I should control my imbecile feelings , like what mom said to me : " You should be a brave girl . You get scared of every little thing . It's not good " . Yet, she never gets tired to give me a piece of advice and encourages me to do good deeds as well as accept others' weakness . First and foremost , She is always there for me whenever my life is either up or down .
I love her to the bits ♥

P.S : I miss mom!! She went out of town for quite a long time -.- As no mom's mouth-watering dinner makes one day , three autumns :b

A space

Spend my weekend with white papers , pencil and eraser . I enjoy skecthing but I don't like 'pressure' . It's like 10kg weight is on my shoulder and idk where to lift it , who to share. I need anyone who is willing to collect the data or help me through the skecthing . S is lack of encouragement! Truth to be told, I'm too lazy to move my body to school . I know it's my duty, as a student as well as a daughter. But I don't learn anything at sch and I'm tired.. of the people inside . I'm too sensitive somehow /: ughhhh shd go now and start sketching . with a big sigh , wish all of you enjoy ur sunday! - S

20102010

twentytentwentyten A lucky day or on the other hand? Mine is a bad day . Test starts today . I couldn't do math well. I know I'm the one who gave up at first . But.. ): Cried to relieve my strain until I realize all I need is a constant companion to study together. Bahasa for tomorrow . Hope I can do well in other subjects amituofo Have a nice day! xx-S

s h e i l a h a s l a c k o f s u p p o r t - tsk tsk not good.

Don't worry be happy

doodle doodle doodle I love starbucks

I have learned many things for these past few days . I become more alert with people's attitude and behaviour . People can change easily , less than 24 hours. You talk to a person everyday , maybe the next day , that person will stop talking to you. A small careless talk will lead to a long silence . This is life. People come and go esp when they got bf/gf , surely they will less pay attention to what you say. I don't say that everyone is like that , but this uneasy feeling always occurs . Moreover, some people are too selfish to be true . They want me to understand about their situations , but ever cross in your mind to make me feel comfortable and happy? I'm not your mood stabilizer. I always say 'yes' even I really want to say 'no' . I'm not pretending to be an angel. I just don't want to argue any longer. Zip my lip, keep silent and everything's going to be alright . I have good friends, however somehow I don't want to disturb them as this sensitive feeling is not worth to tell and I can type my rants on this blossom web. It's not a big deal ,isn't it? I need to be more easy-going and ignorant :D It's funny how foremost can become small fry and vice versa . Test is coming , exactly this wednesday . I am isolating so that no hurt feeling will appear (; dang. I need anyone who willing to patiently teach me math. ugggghh cao~

pastel purple colour on my toes ,loving it (:

TEN TEN

HELLO OCTOBER I miss blogging :] Life has been giving me so much trials . Hence, I should face them wholeheartedly , control my emotions and start thinking positive (: Things change , people change ; some getting better ,some even worse. To sum up, I still love everything even though I was/am hurt , not to mention I am strong because of good friends around . October , well.. tests are getting closer and closer and I'm not well-prepared . Ielts test is postponed which is really such a reaaaliveee for me . I hope the examiners won't come back anymore *pray hard* :b
Highlight of this month? FIONA IS IN TOWN yay! and she unsuccessfully tricked me ! I'm braaainyyyy B) ok,stop. October hmm.. 5 fridays , 5 saturdays as well as 5 sundays! :D:D:D:D

Please go further sickness

Good morning! Skip school today . As usual , sick. It has not been completely 3 weeks since I was sick last time , now I am sick again . I loathe my body . This body is so weaaaaak . I'm tired of being sick , sick, sick and sick . I felt very weak yesterday . Couldn't go to canteen or run like I always do . couldn't jump, scream or stand longer -.- However , I had a lab class , I didn't want to skip it and forced myself to go to school . As a result , a high temperature last night , mixed with shivering and sore throat . I feel much better after having a rest at the bed for the whole 12 hours? (: Anyway , I want a puppy or dog badly . Why puppy? I can bring it along when I'm going out alone or accompany me at home . Why dog? It feels like being protected by a large dog esp siberian husky . His fierce eyes and large body will make bad people go further :b Pictures below were taken when I visited dog show last time . They were adoraaaaable (:

Keep updating

I'm going to update more often from now on (: Everyday is a hectic day . I went to english tuition this morning , then took 3x4 size photos and went back to english tuition again /:I have just had my dinner, 35mins to go and I have to go to physics tuition . Life is hard for the next 2 weeks . I'm going to have the first examination in this third year of high school. I hope / I want/ I wish to do well in every subjects and get flying colours *amituofo* Wish me luck . Ah, anyway I am in holiday, exactly the last day of holiday . My school is selected as the school where the students will be having the olympiade tests . As a result, we , as the sutomo students get 2 days off from school yay! However it's not really different for me. I didn't go out and watch movies with my classmates /: I need to study and fight for the upcoming test . xx, S.


Sometimes there is the time when we should struggle and sacrifise