Monday, September 19, 2011

As you sow so shall you reap


Never cross in my mind I will enter the state university and major in law. From the beginning , I took the test for my father's sake. He told me to have a try so that I knew my capability. I sat for the test and I passed it. Unbelievable ,yes. I didn't understand every single question and it was like building castles in the air . Then why I reregister in uni? Make a hay while the sun shines ,right? Those who didn't pass the test wanted to enter so badly whilst I let go the opportunity? My mind said : "go for it" . Surely everyone was shocked and my teachers said i lost my mind. I bid a farewell to study abroad although the universities out there had accepted me. What do you think? I'm a dumbo or a smartie? You decide.

A stepping stone
It was mentioned that we were not a university student until we got through the orientations. On the first day of it, I was okay. Well , I was scared , of course . The following day, I cried all my way from uni to home , cried while having my dinner , cried while taking a bath and cried myself to sleep which cause swollen eyes in the next morning . My dad told me to resign but I didn't want. I will be a loser if I stop. I didn't cry because being bullied or sth. It was a heartache . I didn't understand why there are still racist people . I once read about super mario . He's an Italian , created by Japanese, speaks English , looks like a Turkish dude, sprints like a Jamaican , jumps like a Black dude and collects coins like a Jew . Dont be racist, be like super mario . It's indeed true. It went pretty fun on the last day even though I cried because I couldn't stand the massive gastric pain . It all came from the stress and I was kinda embarassed when I didn't hold the tears. I tried. but I just couldn't stand it anymore.
End of orientations , it means uni life..

I'm having a hard time . The subjects are incredibly difficult . I don't know politics, or anything related to law. I'm a bimbo, I don't know what's going on in the world. I feel like I'm the dumbest person in my class. the stupidest. Everyone seemed to know things , such as the happening corruption and so on. while me? a blockhead , an imbecile girl. I'm doing my homework now. As I start to do it, I realize is it my thoughts that brings me down or I have bitten off more than I can chew. I feel like tearing the books into pieces and deleting all the law articles in google.

Some of you might say : "Why don't you leave everything behind and study abroad?" As I mentioned before, I won't. I will be a loser if I do so. A coward. Then my friend s replied eagerly "how come you are a loser, a coward when the major you are taking now is not the major of your passion and talent" However, still, no.

From the picture on the top . As you can see, you can only choose two .

good grades
who doesn't want good grades? I hope I will pass with flying colours. I know it won't be as easy as turning a palm. Pray for me , okay?

social life
I'm sooo out of social life. Some friends probably consider me as 'an arrogant friend' . I'm very busy catching up my uni stuffs. I seldom hang out and talked to them as much as I was before. I replied chatting very late, very short , simple and plain. It's not what I want. I feel gloomy for spending my time in uni activities most of the days , even saturday. sometimes on sunday too. I won't blame anyone who thinks so . It's your choice to look at that angle .Honestly speaking, I have lack of moral supports. I need you to motivate me. not dispirited me. Try to put your feet in my shoes. sigh

enough sleep
nah, I won't choose this as long as good grades and social life is on the list. However.. with this uncooperative body, how can I? There's one night I planned to talk to my friends thru bbm, chatted till late night yet I fell asleep in the middle of texting. When I sleep late, I will either have gastric pain or headache during classes. Boo me, boo!!

It's a long post. I don't know who shd I tell all of this bcs some hears , not listens. It might a wrong decision, yet I will make it right . It's a millstone around my neck , but I will do my best . I'm tired of having negative thoughts and negative comments from surroundings. I really wish anyone believes in me as well as supports me and says you can do it..

Live your life to the fullest. Have a great evening